The Pursuit of Life

I woke up like this

We’ve all heard it from someone at some point – wow, you’re looking a little tired today.  Sometimes meant with good will, sometimes with a little malicious intent, it is just not something that you should ever say to someone.  No matter how good the intent.  And here are 6 reasons why.

1. It isn’t helpful.  Nobody can immediately turn themselves into someone who looks chipper, fresh faced and well rested.  If they look tired, it will take a solid 8+ hours of sleep and probably many other things, including stress relief, exercise and a hot bath, to not look tired anymore.
2. It will always be taken with offense.  Even the most well intentioned mention that someone looks tired will be taken as a slap in the face.  Doesn’t matter the tone, who says it to you, or what the context is, nobody ever wants to hear that.
3. That person probably IS tired and probably for a very good reason that they probably do not want to talk about.  If he or she wanted to talk about it, tired person would initiate the conversation, and then you can be helpful.  It is a very different thing for someone to come to you and say – oh my word, I am SO tired!  That is an open door for you to say, oh dear, perhaps you should try to get some rest tonight.  I’ll do X for you, or why don’t you sleep in tomorrow and I’ll handle Y so that you can catch up on your needed rest?  That is friendly and helpful and appreciated.  But it was initiated by tired person, not by you.
4. There are far more effective and kind ways to express concern.  In the rare event that you are actually concerned about someone looking tired or worn down, there are any number of more effective and compassionate ways to express this concern. [And let’s be honest, most of the time this is a phrase uttered out of bored observation or mean-spiritedness.  Shame on you if that’s the case].  For instance: a simple how are you doing today would suffice.  Or how about sharing some experiences of your own lately to relate to the person who looks tired, such as: this week has been so intense around here, these late nights at the office are killer and I’m exhausted – how are you holding up?.  Misery loves company and starting a conversation that you are in the same boat as the tired looking person will be much more helpful than an attack on how they look that day.
5. Nobody looks good tired, so you are telling someone that they look like sh*t.  It is always a bad thing when someone tells you that you look tired.  It means that your skin is sagging, you’ve got bags or dark circles under your eyes, you aren’t focused, etc., etc.  Looking tired means that you simply are not looking your best, and someone telling you that you don’t look your best is not helpful (see #1 above).  Nobody reacts well to being told they look like sh*t, so you are not going to get through any concerns that you have, if they are genuine.
6. It isn’t nice.  All of this is to say that telling someone they look tired simply isn’t nice.  Don’t be a jerk.

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