BEWARE THE BARRENNESS OF A BUSY LIFE. –Socrates
I am DAMN good at being busy and looking like I love it. I am busy with a big smile on my face. But wow am I tired. All the time. Tired on the weekends. Tired when it’s slow at work. Extra tired when it’s nuts at work. Tired at yoga (if I can find the time to go to yoga). Too busy and too tired. Being busy means something different for everyone, but here’s how the dictionary defines it: Busyness: the quality or condition of being busy; lively but meaningless activity. Ouch, that last part hurt a little. Hits a bit too close to home.
For most of us, our work is a huge part of our lives but it is only one of so many competing demands. In my career, I am rewarded and compensated and measured based on how busy I am. How much time I put in, how many deals I take on at once, how many billable hours I have racked up, how overflowing my proverbial plate is at any one time, how ready and eager I am to throw aside my other responsibilities and hobbies and plans in order to do whatever it is that the client or partner needs. Wow she is really committed, and gosh she just seems so busy all the time. Like a good worker bee. Oh – but don’t make any mistakes! And then there are the home responsibilities that we all have, especially us ladies, which nag at me constantly. The house is a mess, the laundry has piled up, there’s no food in the fridge, the dry cleaning hasn’t been picked up or dropped off for that matter. And family responsibilities. Birthdays come and go, holidays sneak up and pass by, and I miss out on family celebrations because we live on the other side of the country. Because work is just too nuts lately to hop on a plane to go for a visit. When are you guys coming home next? We haven’t seen you for AGES. And friend responsibilities. I am blessed beyond measure with so many wonderful, thoughtful, kind, funny friends that we don’t see often enough because we can’t find a free weekend for months in the future. And when we do find a free moment, everyone else is too busy. It is outright ridiculous trying to schedule a dinner or coffee date or get together with friends, even those friends who live in town. It is nearly impossible to find a time that works for everyone. And so months and months go by without being able to nourish those friendships that mean so much to us. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so frustrating.
We are all so consumed with being busy and I have recently started to wonder why. Why do we overload ourselves, often with activities that aren’t particularly important or fulfilling or enriching? Why when anyone asks me how it’s going lately, do I feel absolutely compelled to tell them about how busy I am? Oh I’m just so busy lately, it’s insane! It’s annoying. But it’s the stock response. I wrote a little bit about slowing it down a couple months ago (here) and it is so hard to do. We do this because we have been programmed to take busyness as a badge of honor, a measure of success. But here’s the thing: this is just not the person that I want to be or the life that I want to live. When you spread yourself too thin, it is extremely hard to excel. How can you do a good job when you are rushing to cross it off of your to do list so that you can get on to the next task?
BEING BUSY AND BEING PRODUCTIVE ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.
This has got to change. We celebrate multitasking, but how about celebrating being focused and involved in our activities? Let’s spend our precious time and resources on activities that are personally meaningful, that make us happier, make us more complete, help us to achieve whatever goals each of us have. Sure we will be busy from time to time, and that is okay so long as we start focusing on meaningful activity. It will have to be a mental shift. A realigning of priorities and definitions of success and a deep dive into ourselves to find out what makes us happy. We need to evaluate why it is that we do what we do and whether our actions are giving us what we need.
With increasingly limited time, limited resources, and limited energy, we’ve got to start thinking about priorities. As a start, I am going to stop saying yes to everything that is asked of me. And more importantly, I will stop volunteering for everything. I don’t have to host every birthday party, going away party, bridal shower, baby shower or happy hour get together. I don’t have to plan every social event at work. I don’t have to sit on every committee or go to every meeting or volunteer for every opportunity that comes my way. I don’t have to jump on every new deal that comes in the door. It is not only okay but imperative for me to be picky and selective and to use my energy for things that are important to me. Stop collecting all those gold stars because who’s counting anyway?
But we have to personally take the responsibility for doing it. People ask favors of me because I always say yes. With a smile on my face. It is important to learn to say no and not to feel horrible about it. Not to feel bad at all in fact. Here’s an important lesson for me personally and probably for most of you: I need to accept that other people can contribute just as well as I can and perhaps even better – someone else may have more time, better ideas, better execution, more passion about a task and in turn maybe it will be more successful than if I’d tried to force it into my already overpacked and overburdened schedule. And I will stop telling people how busy I am. This will be step #1.
This is going to be quite difficult but I truly believe that it is crucial for our well being, health, happiness and success. How do you handle all of the competing demands on your time, with being so busy all of the time?
BY Jackie
LOCATION San Francisco, California
